


Delirium

by maybeitsthemoon



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-11
Updated: 2010-11-11
Packaged: 2017-10-13 09:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeitsthemoon/pseuds/maybeitsthemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss is scarred by war and after she learns Gale is getting married, she's not too sure if she chose the right person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

  
  
  
  
**Entry tags:**  
|   
[fandom: the hunger games](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/fandom%3A%20the%20hunger%20games), [rating: pg13](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/rating%3A%20pg13), [the hunger games: delirium](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/the%20hunger%20games%3A%20delirium)  
  
---|---  
  
 _ **Delirium | Chapter One | The Hunger Games**_  
 **Author** : [](http://thewordmap.livejournal.com/profile)[**thewordmap**](http://thewordmap.livejournal.com/)  
 **Genre** : Fanfiction  
 **Fandom** : The Hunger Games  
 **Characters/Pairings** : Katniss/Gale, Katniss/Peeta, other  
 **Rating:** PG-13 Just in cas  
 **Spoilers:** Post-Mockingjay, non-epilogue  
  


  
Chapter One

Hunting is not what it used to be, especially without Gale as my partner. I miss our sync, our silent agreements, the way we go so seamlessly together. Every time I pass by our rock, I'm overwhelmed with emotions. Now sitting on top of it, all I can do is cry. I cry for Gale, for Prim, and for hte mother that will never forgive me.

I don't keep track of time so when I straighten myself out, dryin gthe last tears from my eyes, I'm suprised the sky has turned darker.

And I'm not alone.

Peeta watches me from afar, his arms hanging limply by his side, his blonde hair messy and his forehead covered with a thin sheet of sweat. For a moment, my body tenses and I'm ready to run, worrying this isn't the Peeta I love.

But then he comes closer, wrapping his muscled arms around me. I start crying again, but only because he loves me and I love him, despite the fact that all I've ever done is hurt him.

"What are you thinking about, Katniss?" he asks. I can feel his hot breath against my neck.

Peeta. I'll never love anyone the way that I love him. I love him with all of me, even the broken parts. Even with the part of me that knows that I don't deserve him.

District 12 lies in ashes, dead and rotten. I feel just like that inside. No matter how much Peeta and I love each other, he can never be what Gale was to me.

Of course I can't tell Peeta any of this. Not even if I want to hurt him because this...this ould destroy him beyond death.

Instead, I reveal half of it. "I miss her," I say. I almost feel selfish for doing it. He's lost everyone and only has me. He has to deal with my losses, too.

He pulls away and meets his lips with mine. Soft, safe...comforting.

That's what Peeta is...comfort.

Everything in Gale is destruction, war, and the face of Prim forever imprinted on his hands. Her blood staining his fingers.

But they're staining mine, too.

"We should get back," Peeta says, grabbing my hand. In the end, though, he picks me up. I'm too far gone to respond.

*

Greasy Sae is waiting in the kitchen for us with enough good to feed an army.

War.

I push the thought away before I go back to delirium.. I examine my plate. An abundance of rice--something we never atebefore--and a bowl of her wild dog stew. At that moment, my stomach grumbles so loudly, it doesn't take a second for me to start pushing food down my throat.

Peeta, much more civilized, of couse, eats slowly and not at all repulsed by me. Not that I care, especially after what we've been through.

When I finish, I'm too tired to even think. I tell Peeta I'm going to bed. He nods, still eating, and says, "I'll come, if you want."

"No, it's okay," I answer. "You've been great today."

I move upstairs trying to think about anyone but Prim. Anyone but him. I undress, crawling into bed in just my underwear, nt caring who sees me.

The second I put my head on the pillow, the nightmares begin.  


  



	2. Chapter Two

  
  
  
  
**Entry tags:**  
|   
[fandom: the hunger games](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/fandom%3A%20the%20hunger%20games), [rating: pg13](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/rating%3A%20pg13), [the hunger games: delirium](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/the%20hunger%20games%3A%20delirium)  
  
---|---  
  
 _ **Delirium | Chapter Two | The Hunger Games**_  
 **Author:** thewordmap  
 **Genre:** Fanfiction  
 **Fandom:** The Hunger Games  
 **Characters/Pairings:** Katniss/Gale, Katniss/Peeta, other  
 **Rating:** PG-13 Just in case  
 **Spoilers:** Post-Mockingjay, non-epilogue

  
Chapter Two

He's crushing my windpipes, trying to kill me. But I don't die. I don't breathe. I'm just there.

Prim.

Her face is engulfed in fire, licking the pretty strands of hair. She smiles as if she doesn't feel the burning, as if she doesn't feel death approaching. I reach out my hand to save her but my neck is still in Peeta's grasp and she's slowly turning into ashes.

I wake up with my own screaming. Peeta is beside me on a second and I tense, fearing the Peeta of my nightmares. He puts a wet towel on my forehead and wipes away the thin sheet of sweat that's covering my face.

I want to run away. I want to go into the comfort of the woods, to feel the force of the bow string against my arm. I want to see the gray eyes smiling at me, not these blue eyes. At least not right now.

"Thanks," I mutter, feeling like a complete liar.

"I'm always here," he says. "Now go to sleep again, it will be better."

I shake my head. "What about you? Don't you need to sleep?"

"I can't sleep. At least, not tonight. Go on. It'll be okay. We can take turns tomorrow," he says and then smiles. It's such an innocent and sweet smile. It's my Peeta.

"I don't think I can, either," I whisper. "I'm going to eat something, I'm starving." I throw the covers of my bed aside and step out barefoot. The cold floor comforts me.

Peeta joins me downstairs a few minutes later. I'm drinking a nice warm soup Greasy Sae had prepared last night. I feel the liquid down my throat. What Peeta doesn't know, and what I'm not planning to tell him, is that I put two sleeping pills in the soup, using the medicine to hopefully numb me enough into oblivion.

After my morphling addiction, it was hard to quit any sort of drug and sometimes I sneak in a few pills to help me sleep a dreamless sleep. Inside, I'm terrified to become dependent of them.

"Can I have some?" Peeta says, pointing to my cup.

I don't want to seem suspicious so I say, "Only a bit."

He takes the cup from my hand and sips from it. "It's good," he says.

I nod, at least I think he will be able to catch a few hours of sleep tonight. I take another gulp of soup, already feeling the drowsiness and slight buzz in my head. I blink slower and my movements are lazy. I don't notice when Peeta stands up and comes closer to my side.

He clears his throat and I look at him. "There's something you should know," he starts.

My body tenses. "What?" I say, harsher than I meant.

"I saw...I saw Gale on the screen a few days ago. I didn't--I don't know if I should tell you."

"Just say it Peeta," I urge. Whatever it is, it will be horrible. I want to get it over with as soon as possible.

"Katniss, Gale is getting married."  


  



	3. Chapter Three

  
  
  
  
**Entry tags:**  
|   
[fandom: the hunger games](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/fandom%3A%20the%20hunger%20games), [rating: pg13](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/rating%3A%20pg13), [the hunger games: delirium](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/the%20hunger%20games%3A%20delirium)  
  
---|---  
  
 _ **Delirium | Chapter Three | The Hunger Games**_  
 **Author:** thewordmap  
 **Genre:** Fanfiction  
 **Fandom:** The Hunger Games  
 **Characters/Pairings:** Katniss/Gale, Katniss/Peeta, other  
 **Rating:** PG-13 Just in case  
 **Spoilers:** Post-Mockingjay, non-epilogue

  


  
Chapter Three

My throat feels like it's getting crushed. I don't cry, I don't move. Instead, I smile. I look at Peeta and do what I promised I would never do to him: lie.

"I'm glad," I say. "He must be happy." I couldn't help wonder if the person he was marrying hunted with him, if he even told her. Maybe he didn't care for hunting anymore now that he lived in district two and didn't starve half to death.

"Katniss, the truth?" Peeta says, looking at me. He strokes my hair with his fingers and I sigh under his touch.

I can't lie to Peeta anymore. Especially after what he's been through. So I just shake my head and say, "I'm going to sleep."

I start moving upstairs when he says, "Wait." I turn around.

"What?"

"He sent you a letter. Here," he says, walking up to me and handing me a white envelope. I look at it but I don't take it. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid of what's inside. "I think you should read it," Peeta suggests. His eyes are warm and understanding but underneath, I can see he's hurting.

Finally, I take it and burry it in the folds of my robes. "I'll be upstairs," I say and almost run up to my room, shutting the door and locking it behind me.

I rip open the envelope, finding a single two slips of paper inside. The first one is a note from Gale:

Katniss,

I know we didn't quite finish in good terms last time we saw each other. I want to talk to you, for real. I'm coming to District 12 in a two days. Meet me at the rock at dawn.

Gale

So simple, so cold. But it brings tears to my eyes. I'm choking on my own tears. I take the second piece of paper and pull it out.

Dearest  
Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark  
you have been cordially invited to  
Gale Hawthorne and Terra Moltley  
wedding celebration on  
the twentyfourth of November  
at their residence in  
Moltley Mansion, District 2.  
Please confirm your attendance as soon as possible.

I don't know who Terra is, nor do I care. It is the fact that Gale has committed himself to someone he barely knew. He knew me for years. We were friends, no, we more than that. We were together, in whichever way our relationship could have been defined. How could something so complicated as that be left hanging in such a thin thread.

I hate him.

No, that's not true.

I hate myself.  


  



	4. Chapter Four

  
  
  
  
**Entry tags:**  
|   
[fandom: the hunger games](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/fandom%3A%20the%20hunger%20games), [rating: pg](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/rating%3A%20pg), [the hunger games: delirium](http://community.livejournal.com/onelastfic/tag/the%20hunger%20games%3A%20delirium)  
  
---|---  
  
 _ **Delirium | Chapter Four | The Hunger Games**_  
 **Title:** Delirium  
 **Chapter:** Four  
 **Characters/Pairings:** Katniss, Haymitch, Peeta  
 **Rating:** PG  
 **Word Count:** 505

  


  
Chapter Four

Calling my mother to let her know about Gale would have proven a big mistake. I knew so much but Peeta insisted. So, of course, I tried.

And like I had assumed, it was a complete horror. Peeta is beside me, eyes wide and trying to comfort me but it's useless. It's never too great when your own mother hates you. I understand her, though. I am responsible for Prim's death after all.

"It'll be alright," Peeta says. "She'll come to her senses."

I doubt this. When she picked up, she had simply said, "I'm sorry Katniss," and hung up. Tears had instantly sprung and I am still trying to control them. Peeta hands me another tissue paper and I take it, using it to wipe away the tears and to pat my face dry. I want to get out of here.

It is cold outside but I don't care. I stand up, throwing the tissue across the kitchen so it lands inside the trash bin. "I'm taking a walk," I say.

"I'll come," Peeta offers.

"No, please," I add as an after thought. Peeta gives a single nod and then I walk out the door.

My feet make a turn to Haymitch's house. I hate him. I hate him for agreeing with me and for using me the way he did. But he may be the only sane person who could help me. Help me drown what is left of my feelings for Gale.

I don't even bother knocking at the door, he's probably passed out somewhere far from it and won't answer. So I open it--it's always unlocked. The house smells of alcohol and all the curtains are drawn. It feels like a funeral inside.

I hear a grunt coming from the living room. When I turn the corner, I see Haymitch on the floor, flailing and trying to get up.

"Haymitch," I say, moving to his side and supporting his weight. He's thinner than ever, just bones and skin. His face looks like he's twenty years older than he really is.

"Whoirsthat," he says, an unintelligible murmur.

"It's Katniss," I say. He hates me too, that much is clear. I wish Peeta would have come along after all.

"Morealcoholplirs," he says. I can't understand him. I sit him in the dirty sofa and go to the kitched, grabbing a glass-full of water.

"Wake up, Haymitch," I say, before dumping the water on his face.

It's like he doesn't even notice it. I sigh. Maybe I should just leave. But no, I can't leave him like this. He probably feels more like crap than I do.

I go upstairs to the linen closet and take out what seems like a clean sheet. I go downstairs again and place it on top of him. I take away the bottle of alcohol from his hand and place it on the floor.

"No more drinking for you," I say. I sit beside him and lean my head back. Within a second, I'm already asleep.  


  



End file.
